***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
