That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
