You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
