i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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