sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
