Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
