We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
