I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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