I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
