Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
