I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
