What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it penis luge time yet?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
