I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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