I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
