I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
