Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
