Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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