My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
