i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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