I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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