I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
