i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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