I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
