Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
