If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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