I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
