Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
