Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
