My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
