my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
