Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
