How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
two words: eviction party
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
