the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my liver is dry heaving
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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