Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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