apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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