Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
