It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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