Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
