So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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