I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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