Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
