I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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