I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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