he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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