Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
