Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
