Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize