Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
