nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
