just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
