I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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