allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
