did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
