I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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