Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
