hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
