i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
