Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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