Only a mothe r could love this liver
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
