how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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