If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
