Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
