theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
