i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
