So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
