So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
