New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
