a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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