im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
