Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
