I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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