I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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