i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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