I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
